In Development
The space in-between
There’s the version of filmmaking that gets presented publicly.
And then there’s the reality.
Public version:
A film is “in development.” Meetings are happening. Interest is building. Momentum.
Reality:
You’re sending emails into a carefully researched void. You follow up, questioning whether you’re saying the right thing, to the right person, at the right time. You hold onto small signs—an encouraging response, a promising conversation, an open door—as if they might become something real.
Right now, Angels Twice Descending exists in that space. The script is written. And rewritten. And rewritten again.
There have been meaningful responses—people who see the potential, who are open to reading, who say, “Come back when there’s more packaging,” which is both encouraging and… vague.
So now the work is building that “more”: finding collaborators, clarifying the vision, and continuing to give shape to why this matters—not only to me, but to those who’ve reached out to say, “This is a film I really want to see.”
When I started writing on Substack recently, I expected to hear mostly from women. I was surprised to hear from men. Not to stake out a position, but to share experiences that have stayed with them. Events shaped by abortion, by faith, by time. What’s consistent is not the answers they arrived at, but having experiences that never resolved into something they could set aside. Something lived has stayed with them, something they’re still turning over. Instead of hardening into certainty, some part of them has remained open—held in a lingering ambiguity between relief and loss, where something can be necessary and still not simple. A right decision can still carry residue. The experience isn’t resolved; it’s absorbed, continuing to shape how they see and feel.
That’s not weakness or confusion. It’s an arrived-at capacity to remain in relationship to something that matters without closing it down. That’s a powerful place to get to. It suggests depth and an openness to complexity, to the discomfort that tends to get shut down rather than stayed with.
This is the space the film watches: within a marriage shaped by faith, where belief and conscience begin to pull a husband and wife in different directions.
In Kathy, there’s a growing capacity to stay with something that doesn’t resolve—to remain in relationship to it even as it becomes more difficult.
In Lyle, what he carries forward is driven by unresolved hurt—the past pressing into the present, shaping what he feels compelled to do in ways that cause increasing harm to others.
The film doesn’t argue between them.
It stays with both.
Making it asks the same thing.
To stay with something that doesn’t resolve.
One minute there’s excitement; the next, I’m wondering if I should have my head examined. Nothing is visible yet, but everything’s in motion.
I’m sharing this because it’s easy to assume that projects either exist or they don’t—that without something tangible, it’s all hat and no cattle.
But most of the real work happens in this in-between—where there’s more felt than there is to point to.
I’m in.
If you’re here reading this, you’re witnessing the film before it exists.
Popcorn’s coming. I promise.

"But most of the real work happens in this in-between—where there’s more felt than there is to point to."
I'm always interested in how thoughts and feelings, beliefs and opinions evolve and change. I remember in the 60's watching the film "The Cardinal" on tv with my mom. We got into a heated argument about abortion. I'm shocked to remember how passionately I argued against abortion. I was not, myself, ever in the situation where I had to make such a choice regarding a pregnancy. However, I did make a choice that effectively killed the very thing I'd created and dearly loved. It was necessary, to save my own life, to abruptly close my yoga school in NYC. It left hundreds of angry students who found infinite reasons to blame me for "abandoning" them. I left NYC and fled to Colorado to get far away from 'the scene of the crime'. It took 10 years before I felt able to teach again. As I work, almost exclusively, with persons in various stages of disease, I witness, every day, existential struggles with life choices. My capacity for patience and compassion, for others and myself, has deepened. I sometimes feel like a midwife to these extraordinary choice-makings.